Wednesday, July 27, 2005

new blog link

everybody should go and check out the latest website i've linked. the blog is written as if it is the personal diary of darth vader. i'm sure you're all thinking, "sure, that is funny to michael, self-proclaimed physicist and sci-fi loser, but i'm sure i'd hate it." well, as usual, you're wrong. i think you'll find it funny, as long as you've at least seen the original star wars trilogy.

if you haven't seen the original star wars trilogy, then what are you doing still alive?

anyway, if you muster the courage to check it out, make sure and start at the very beginning of the archives because the latest entry (i.e. the one posted at the top of the screen when you visit the site) is the final entry.

Thursday, July 14, 2005


i know what you must be thinking. "two blog entries in two days?! what madness is this?!" i realize how horribly tacky it was to use not just one, but two (two!) '?!'s, but it was necessary. trust me on this.

unfortunately, there isn't too much for me to talk about. this is despite the fact that today has been more productive and exciting for me (as far as my research is concerned) than pretty much any day in the last week or so...mainly because even 'exciting' research for me is likely to be considered mind-numbingly boring to those of you without my superior intellect (translation: those of you who are not completely lame physics dork losers). just a taste...the majority of my day consisted of reading through a plasma physics paper, trying to follow all the conceptual and algebraic gymnastics necessary to successfully construct local magnetohydrodynamic 3D plasma equilibria. yeah, that's what i thought. loser.

despite how embarrassing this admission is, i must end this entry now, as i'm being distracted by a rerun of the oc. yeah.

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

still going

i am frankly amazed that i've put out multiple blog entries in the last several days...and even more so that i am still going. it would appear that the laziness inherent in my very being is seeping away. however, in reality i am merely becoming even lazier in other aspects of my life so that i can aspire to such heights in my blogging. the sacrifices i make for you, my doting fans (dote, damn you!)...

so anyway...against all laws of probability, i sold my car a couple of days ago. i realize that this may seem like no great achievement to those of you unitiated in the esoteric mysteries of Michael's Dread of Human Interaction With People He Doesn't Know, Accompanied by the Need to Extract Money From These People (in case you're wondering, i'm not exactly sure of the grammar rules governing which of those words were supposed to start with a capital letter, and this bothers me deeply). however, i've been in the process of 'trying to sell my car' (translation: doing whatever i can to avoid actually having to sell the car, including possibly begging trinity to sell it for me) for about a year now, so the actual getting rid of the car and getting money for it was a momentous event which left me with a feeling of utter jubilation.

that is all.

Saturday, July 09, 2005

in 1984 i was hospitalized for approaching perfection

for those of you who don't know, the title for this entry is the opening line from the seminal american water album from the silver jews. if you really didn't know that, fie on you. you are not cool enough to continue reading this blog and must immediately listen to this album many times until you are cool enough.

also, fie on you all for not leaving any blog concepts for me, as per my command two blog entries ago. do you not realize that my tough-guy act is just a pitiful facade? beneath my gruff exterior is a sensitive, caring individual who just wants to be loved. why won't you love me?

at this point, i'd just like to let you know that i'm momentarily drunk while writing this entry. there. it's out there. drunk. blogging. what a horrible, irresponsible person i am. i'm also painting. aren't i cool and artistic? by the way, i just thought about intentionally misspelling the word artistic in that last sentence to emphasize the whole drunkenness thing. would that have been cute and artistic, or just pathetic. i can't make up my mind.

by the way, i wasn't serious about the whole not cool enough for this blog thing that i said in the first paragraph. well, maybe i was but i don't mind. you don't have to be cool to read my blog. i mean, i'm not cool, and i write my blog. self-pity. fashionable or no?

i must say, i am now realizing that this whole entry is done in the stream-of-consciousness style, which i'm sure is a result of me currently reading 'a heartbreaking work of staggering genius' by somebody eggers. yes, i know. copycat. however, i must say that it's easier to just write what comes to mind than to think long and hard about what is to be said. evidently, i must say 'i must say' as well, as i have apparently used it several times (or even twice) in the last paragraph. shameful.

ok, ok. i'm rambling. and drunk. these are valid complaints. i will consequently end this entry right now. but i can't think of anything wonderful and hilarious to end the entry with. or even wonderful. or hilarious. a joke maybe? a breezy witticism? maybe i'll just relate something i read on the internet that i found to be a bit amazing.

so, evidently some woman posted something online saying that her cat had been set on fire by somebody in the neighborhood and that she had some $5,000 vet bill. people of course sent her money, but in the end she revealed that the whole thing was a hoax. in fact, she claimed that it was an experiment meant to restore her (and her father's) faith in humanity. needless to say, these wonderful people who restored her faith in humanity didn't find this hoax so funny, and went about tearing her down online. rightfully so. that's what she gets for having faith in humanity.

i know that didn't make sense. so what? what do you want from me?

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

acts of gord

you might notice that i've added a new link to "the acts of gord." it is funny. you will read and enjoy...or else.

conceptual blog ideas

every once in awhile i come up with a brilliant concept for a new blog. however, as i am wantonly lazy, i have been unable to follow through with any of these ideas. from time to time, i briefly entertain the idea that i will one day get my act together and put these blog ideas to good use. however, i am now admitting that it is unlikely this will ever happen, so i will simply present some of the ideas to you here. you are even welcome to use them if you wish. just know that they will never turn out as good as they would have if i had been the one implementing them.

idea #1: you know how every year around christmas, the local newspapers publish the unashamedly cute 'letters to santa'? well, i think it would be a good idea if every day someone would post a couple of these letters with some helpful comments for the kiddies that wrote them. like, "you are a selfish child and should count yourself lucky if your parents don't beat you daily. also, you clearly have no grasp of the english language and will one day grow up to be an assistant manager at mcdonald's."

this blog entry will have to be continued because i grow weary of all this blogging. oh, and feel free to post your own blog concepts. if you are lucky, i will single yours out and tell you how incredibly stupid it is.